The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE $7.00 like new

If you've ever said, or even just thought to yourself, I wish something exciting would happen, Patricia Campbell is here to tell you that that's not a good idea. Grady Hendrix's The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires is a complete surprise, in all of the most brilliant ways, sucking me into the real-life hilarity of Patricia and her friends, then immediately horrified by some truly gruesome and frightening scenes.

Patricia is a stressed-out Southern wife and mom, caught up in the continuous rut that has become her life, with an even more stressful book club. After a particularly upsetting (though funny) meeting where it was revealed that no one actually read the book, Patricia and a few stragglers start their own club, devoted to the true crime genre, tempting Patricia with the idea that things would be better if they were just a little more exciting. Then into the neighborhood moves James Harris, an enigmatic, handsome stranger who not only does Patricia feel drawn, but also unnerved. What unfolds is a quirky, sometimes hilarious and sometimes horrifying, novel of friendships, coming of age, even as adults, and super natural monsters who not only scare the bajeezus out of us, but also make us realize that anything is possible, including us. 

This book is absolutely brilliant. So well does it capture the monotonous, though unpredictability, of motherhood and wifedome, I was actually surprised such relatability came from a man. In the author's note, he said he wanted, "...to pit Dracula against my mom," and it would appear that he has a great understanding and appreciation for that role. And the vast differences between how the wives behave versus the husbands is crafty and sharp. 

The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires is a horrifyingly good time, with lots of humor, lots of heart - and not just the bleeding kind - it's quippiness reminiscent of Netflix's Dead Like Me and The San Clarita Diet. I definitely recommend this book, perfect for reading during this time of year, or if you're ever in the mood for a fun scare. And though My Best Friend's Exorcism is not the prequel, it did spawn this novel, making it another to-read.  ⭐⭐⭐⭐/5 on my goodreads profile.

I'm Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid

Since giving birth, I've read the last half of Sold On A Monday, the entirety of The People We Hate at the Wedding, and half of This Is Not Over, and yet I managed to read I'm Thinking Of Ending Things by Iain Reid in exactly two days. And those two days involved the older kids being home from school, and the first drop in temperature and snow storm, virtually stranding them inside the house. I first saw this book - where else? - on Instagram, and when I saw it in Target, I bought it for this tagline alone: "You will be scared. But you won't know why." In my ever-evolving reading career, I've grown to appreciate books with little to no description, and I even find myself steering away from books with overly long and complicated synopses. I'm Thinking of Ending Things lives up to its limited description. You will be scared and you won't know why, and then you will feel incredibly uncomfortable.

The book doesn't offer a synopsis, so I won't either, but that might just be an impossible task, anyway. How do you describe a book like this? This book? It's short and to the point even though there are moments when it feels like the story is getting away from you. It is, at times, overly complicated, but in a way that makes you feel creepily disoriented, like you're walking through a maze of mirrors. It is a scary story, but it also offers insight and epiphanies into the complex function of our brains and our minds, and what it means to be human. It's like those dreams where nothing innately scary happens, but you wake up feeling weird and scared, anyway. Between reading this book and watching The Good Place, my mind has been properly fucked with.

I don't usually read scary stories until this time of year, just like I only read beach-reads in the summer, and I am always hoping that what I choose will be scarier than The Shining, even books deemed, "scary as hell," by King, himself. But nothing has measured up to The Shining, not even Pet Sematary, which is scary for an entirely different reason altogether. I'm Thinking of Ending Things definitely keeps you guessing and keeps the pages turning; there is no way you won't want to know the conclusion, until you do, and then you kind of wish you didn't.

In my limited knowledge of triggers, I believe the end of this novel is one. BUT, I can't tell you what the trigger is without spoiling not just the ending, but the entire book as well. The end isn't exactly unexpected, but it is disturbing, and I honestly don't know how I would be able to watch the Netflix movie after having read the book. Well, ok...I am slightly curious...maybe tomorrow as it continues to snow...⭐⭐⭐⭐/5 on goodreads. CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE $5.00 Like New.                     

🌟SHIPPING SPECIAL🌟 With the continued pandemic, I will continue to offer half-off shipping. Click the link for details.

The Best Books to Read During Fall

I know plenty of fellow bibliophiles who love to read beach/summer novels while on the beach during summer. No doubt there are other bibliophiles who are just straight-up seasonal readers like myself, so this one's for you! In no particular order, here is my ever-evolving list of great books to read from late August to late November, with no synopsis, just a blurb about why I included it. Happy Snuggle-Up-and-Read Time!

Books You Might Not Have Heard About

* The Troop by Nick Cutter. This book takes place in the late summer, during a Boy Scout-like camping trip on a small island only reachable by boat, and is only scary because it is SO gross. It is also scary because Cutter has decided that writing horror means exploiting the absolute worst parts of the human condition. This book will definitely make you feel uncomfortable, and do not read while eating, especially pasta.

* The Bucket List by Georgia Clark. Because Fall and the month of October isn't just about being scared, it's also about being aware. A perfect read for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, this book is about Lacey, a woman in her 20's who is suddenly faced with almost-certain breast cancer. Her's is a journey like no one would expect, a brilliant peek into the unexpected, and often hidden, emotions that come with a life-changing medical diagnosis.

* Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. I recommend this book to people and they think I've lost my marbles, but this it is an absolutely fantastic read. The story mixes history and fantasy, gore and drama, and heroism and heartbreak. A perfect book for whenever you find yourself in a remote cabin.

* The Darkest Places: Unsolved Mysteries, True Crimes, and Harrowing Disasters in the Wild by The Editors of Outdoor Magazine. Speaking of finding yourself in a remote cabin, this book is a collection of stories centered around the wilds of the wilderness. I flipped the book open and happened to land on a story about severed feet encased in sneakers washing up on various shores. Not only great for this time of year, this book is also a must-read around the summer campfire.

The Usual Suspects

* The Shining by Stephen King. Full disclosure, I read this book because of that episode of Friends (which is also why I read Little Women), and even though I have read a few more horror books since, and more books overall than Joey Tribbiani, I agree with him that The Shining is the scariest book ever written. It takes place from late Fall to early Spring, the weather a sinister character in its own right. I have recommended this book to people who, naively, thought it was just a book and read a little before bedtime. In the dark. Alone. Then, nope, had to put it down and walk away. This book is a must-read, just don't start reading The Shining without making sure there is plenty of room in the freezer.

* Doctor Sleep by Stephen King. This is the 30-years later sequel to The Shining and it is phenomenal. It is gripping and empowering and a terrifying mix of our legitimate, real-life fears, and the mythical monsters under our bed.

* Pet Sematary by Stephen King. Last King book, I promise, but this book has a bit of a cult following. I found it to be more exhausting than scary, and I refuse to watch the movie simply because of the scene with the toddler (you know what I'm talking about, and no, not where he's eating his mother's face).

* In A Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Ware. I mean, the title alone, right? Set in a remote part of England, in a cabin with no phone service, with a group of people you can't trust, this book is definitely a claustrophobic read for when it gets too cold to leave the house.

* The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware. Set on a luxury cruise surrounded by frigid, dark waters, where a woman may or may not have been thrown overboard, this is yet another book you don't want to read without your sweatpants.

* The Lying Game by Ruth Ware. This book alternates between the present heat of the summer, and the fall and biting winter of the characters' teenage school year, and while the book isn't necessarily scary, it is mysterious and uncomfortable.

* The Death of Mrs. Westaway by Ruth Ware. My last Ware book, at least until I read her latest, The Turn of the Key. I've read at least one of her books every year around this time, it must be habit now. Well, there are worse habits to have. Also set in a remote part of England, lets just acknowledge that every book set across the pond feels...damp. The setting and weather of this book, alone, gives you the chills, and it is a definite page-turner, making you never want to crawl out from under your blanket.

* See What I Have Done by Sarah Schmidt. This book is not set during Fall, but an oppressive and - again - damp, heat. And makes me never want to eat pears ever again. But it is an extremely weird, creepy story, and you'll understand the Lizzie Borden costumes come Halloween.

* The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson. Like the King books I mentioned above, reading this book during this time of the year is like one big no-duh. Haunted house and terrified family and Priest, it's like it's not even Halloween if you've never acknowledged The Amityville Horror.

* World War Z by Max Brooks. Everyone is a cynic these days and no matter the time of year will tell you how the world is headed to Hell in a hand-basket, but not before a good, old-fashioned Zombie apocalypse. Personally, I'll always save stories like these for that special Zombie time of year.

* Final Girls by Riley Sager. This book is scary and should be read during this time of year for the same reason you might feel compelled to watch Scream. More specifically, this book is a lot more like Scream 2, where the gruesome murders of the past should be case-closed and done, but of course they're not.  

Simply Set During Fall

* Fierce Kingdom by Gin Phillips. This book is intense and gripping and only spans three hours in mid-October with a mother and her young son at the local zoo. The story isn't particularly scary or mysterious in the traditional horror sense, but the imagery of the first 30-pages is enough to paint all the fall imagery.

* The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn. This book is definitely a mysterious page-turner that is set during early fall; that perfect time of year when dusk comes earlier than we'd like, playing tricks with our eyes and our minds. But this book is also heartbreaking and emotional and takes you on a roller coaster you might not have expected.

* The Heretic's Daughter by Kathleen Kent. Set during the span of the cold, winter months, you can never go wrong with reading about the Salem Witch Trials during the darkest months of the year. Simply placing yourself in the shoes of these people, and knowing that they are real, is enough to scare you more than any witch could.

* Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clark. This is a hefty, complicated book - both figuratively and literally - as books around competing magicians tend to be, a la The Night Circus. But this long and imaginative read would be the perfect book to get you into the hibernating spirit.

* The Revenant by Michael Punke. I love a good true story, especially ones about surviving in the wild. Left for dead after a brutal bear attack, this book is tense and bitter and cold and exhausting. It will definitely make you thankful for your cozy bed and nearby hospital. 

* One Thousand White Women by Jim Fergus. This book can be read at any time, but since we seem to put extra focus on Native Americans - and often stereo typically so - during this time of year, this is a great read to really get into and understand the lives of a group of Native Americans, and a snippet of the interactions between them, White people, and the government. Also check out the sequel, The Vengeance of Mothers.

Or, ya know, read whatever you want. 😊

I Am Behind You by John Ajvide Lindqvist

What, in the name of all that is Holy, did I just fucking read?

And so begins a long line of similar sentiments on the goodreads review board for John Ajvide Lindqvist's I Am Behind You, a title - much like the book - that is completely pointless and devoid of meaning and ultimately stupid. Apparently, this WTF-factor is not unfamiliar to readers of Lindqvist's previous books, but it will most likely be the reason that I never read - much less pay any more library late-fees for - one of his books again.

Waking up one morning in a Swedish campsite (not unlike many you find in America), a group of adults, two young children, a dog, and a cat find that everything has disappeared; no additional campers besides them, no additional caravans, no trees, no roads, no water, and no sun. Just blue sky and a grass that doesn't grow. What starts out as intensely creepy, gradually turns into the story with no ending; just one, long, constant stream of consciousness, like the ramblings of an old man who had the weirdest dream and remembers every last detail. But, not only does it get hard to focus, keep names and places straight, and is inherently meaningless, it is also gross, disturbing, and something you're just better off not knowing.

It is written well enough, capturing the spirit - the essence - of each character in a way that is expressly unique to them; and oftentimes profound, offering up several quotes that resonated with me, personally. But as the pages reach the end, the book goes from being a cross between The Shining, LOST, The Langoliers, and every horror movie you've ever seen involving creepy children, to a hodgepodge of lack-luster horror that even the characters aren't afraid of anymore. It goes the way of Nick Cutter's The Deep in that there comes a point when Lindqvist is just trying too hard to be controversial, and the payoff is nil. There is no happy ending, no conclusive ending - also like The Deep, the story just...stops. There is, literally, no ending, which means I could have stopped reading this book about 200-pages - or three weeks - ago, and now it is one of the few that I won't remember much of but when I see it or am reminded of it, will make me scrunch my nose in disgust.

Dubbed "the Stephen King of Sweden," and even though I find King to be exhausting on a whole other level, you're better off just reading a Stephen King novel. Like I Am Behind You, any of his books might also give you nightmares, but they will at least be nightmares that make sense. This book was definitely not worth the time, effort, or library late fees. ⭐/5 on goodreads.com.

Final Girls by Riley Sager

I finally read Final Girls. By Riley Sager, Stephen King had praised, “The first great thriller of 2017 is here!” And further reviews compare it to the likes of Gone Girl because I guess that’s what we do now – compare all thrillers to Gone Girl. Personally, I found no such comparisons between the two. In fact, Final Girls reminds me a lot of the great ‘90’s slasher-flick series, Scream; particularly Scream 2 where Neve Campbell is still scared and always looking over her shoulder even though the obvious threat has been eliminated. Rare is a book that starts with everything out in the open but that is Final Girls. The crime scenes cleaned, the killers cold underground, the cases closed. All that’s left are the survivors. So what could possibly go wrong?

Some people kill for no reason; just go on murderous rampages not for vendettas or betrayals or avenging, but just to feel the sensation of a sharp blade moving through human flesh like a warm stick of butter. Those left in the wake are the survivors; people – women – left to endure the psychological and emotional pain that come with gruesome murders. Quincy Carpenter and Lisa Milner thought they had it all figured out. Lisa was turning her evil into good by helping troubled women, and Quincy moved on to a normal, quiet life as a baking blogger and would-be fiancé to a Public Defender. Another “Final Girl,” (as the press liked to dub them because what would tragedies be without cute catch-phrases?) Samantha, is in hiding as her coping mechanism of choice. But then Sam shows up on Quincy’s doorstep and Quincy learns she doesn’t have her shit together as much as her Xanax and wine would like to make her believe.

With sharp characters who make dark choices, Sager creates a pointed example of the perilous decision to ignore our emotions and try to convince ourselves that we’re “fine,” especially after dealing with anything traumatic. Quincy is a generous depiction of things resurfacing, often in violent ways, with Sam and Quincy’s boyfriend, Jeff, as the proverbial angel vs. devil, both taunting Quincy with what they think the know about her and what they think she wants or needs. Soon, after Sam’s arrival, Quincy is conflicted, and unsure of what is real and not real.

The book is written well, and the story is dark, deeply mysterious, and only gets more so with every turn of the page. There are shocking twists and constant turns, all built on the solid foundation of you not knowing the true nature of the mystery in the first place: we know the killers, we know how, and why, and where, and it’s done. So why is Final Girls so mysterious? Even so, it is.

We follow along with Quincy, but get an outsiders perspective of the events at Pine Cottage because her memory has chosen to store them in an inaccessible part of her brain. Her lack of memory doesn’t seem to be an issue, until suddenly it is. What I didn’t appreciate, and why I gave it 4/5 stars on Goodreads, is the section from several weeks after Pine Cottage to two years after Pine Cottage. I would prefer if this section just simply didn't exist; or if was put into a conversation between the two women; or maybe even part of an Epilogue. I guess I am a picky reader in that I like to be treated like a character and not a reader, learning things I otherwise wouldn’t know simply because I’m in the audience.

I’m not sure if any other great thrillers followed Final Girls in 2017, but this one definitely met my expectations. It was intense and creepy, but also human and empathetic. We all have a bit of “Final Girl” in us; survivors; after Buffy transferred her Slayer Strength to every future Slayer.

Dark Places

Gillian Flynn does not mess around. When she says she's going to take you to some dark places, boy does she mean it. After finishing Gone Girl, I wasn't sure I'd ever be mentally prepared to step back into the disturbing worlds she seems so hell-bent on creating in such vivid, morbid detail. But I found myself in a bad mood for about a week and was inexplicably drawn to Dark Places, knowing I was only guaranteed an ending, not whether it would be a good one.

Set in both 1985 and present day, Flynn takes us on a mysterious journey of murder, Satan worship, and family drama. Libby is the sole survivor of "The Satan Sacrifice of Kinnakee, Kansas," and to say her emotional scars run deep is a vast understatement. To say her pockets run just as deep is a misconception that leads to her using her story and involvement in the murder as a way to keep afloat a lifestyle she's not all that interested in. But what she inevitably discovers is that what she thought she knew isn't what she knew at all, and that while she was the one person to help convict the killer 25 years ago, she's probably the only one who knows the least about what happened.

Just reading the back book cover and it's no big surprise who the killer is. Or is it? Like Sharp Objects and Gone Girl, the reader goes through the range of emotions of it being obvious who did it but maybe they didn't do it, not having any idea who did it, thinking every character did it, then figuring out who did it and thinking, D'oh! Why didn't I think of that before? But what I most appreciate about Flynn - besides her penchant for going where we're all thinking without holding back - is that, as the reader, we unravel the mystery right along with the main character. Too many mysteries I've read have the protagonist figuring everything out long before the reader is supposed to, and patronizes the reader by making them wait to find out what they know. With Libby, we had the pleasure of the cogs in our brain turning right along with her's, and thankfully only she was subjected to the immediate result.

An incredibly dark story written with zero glints of sunlight, Flynn enlightens the dark places hidden in all of us and what sets them free and what keeps them in check by our morals. She subtly breaks it down to reveal that none of us are very different and that all of us are just a few misunderstandings away from turning into the darkness ourselves. A must-read you won't mind carrying in your tote - or not even have to since it's completely plausible to finish in a weekend - Flynn expertly weaves together what is great about Gone Girl and what is great about Sharp Objects: mystery with just enough creep to keep it intriguing, and horrifying while still maintaining a bit of fantasy. Or at least that's what I tell myself in order to get to sleep at night...

Doctor Sleep

Everything of pop culture that I enjoy has inevitably come directly from from pop-culture and Stephen King's The Shining was no different. I started watching Melrose Place on DVD in my mid-twenties after the iconic Seinfeld episode, and I decided to read The Shining after it was the only book Friends' Joey Tribiani would actually read (I tried to read Little Women too, but that didn't work out so well).

Almost ten years later and thoughts of The Shining still give me the creeps. I can't remember anything other than the general plot-line, and the movie forever tarnished the book for me as a "good one," but I still think it is a must-read. I didn't know King was releasing a sequel until about a week before, and while I've never been excited about a book release (Harry Potter doesn't count, of course), the news of this made me excited in the way you are to go on roller coasters. I didn't remember most of The Shining and that was written over 30 years ago; only God and Mr. King knew what could possibly be in...Doctor Sleep.

Danny, being too smart and too experienced for his young age with a mother who was too naive and too inexperienced for her age, didn't have the best childhood. His horrific history in Colorado combined with a family history of alcoholism didn't line him up for the best of opportunities, either. Running from town-to-town, bottle-to-bottle, the now-middle-aged Dan searches for a place he can call home. Far-removed from the horrors of Colorado, in a small, Norman-Rockwell, New-England town, Dan begins to make a life for himself that just happens to include being able to do the same....uh....tricks he was able to do when he was younger. Only now he's not alone.

A young girl with talents similar to Danny is wanted by sub-human, literal soul-suckers (there are a lot of those in Colorado) and the only person who can really help her is Dan. This, of course, means facing evils he's spent his entire life running from and drowning in liquor. But the question isn't if he'll save her but how.

Given that King isn't the first author on my reading list, his books are always a bit of a surprise. I don't remember what I was expecting from The Shining, but there are parts of it that I still don't understand. Ten years and a lot of read-books later and what I expected from Doctor Sleep was not to understand everything. Probably the biggest thing I don't understand with authors like King, Martin, and Tolkien is the extent of their imagination and the expert way they are able to weave together stories to make one fantastic tapestry of story-telling. So many times I had to put Doctor Sleep down so my heart could quit racing and let my brain digest everything. Reading like part diary, part novel, part AA pamphlet, King's latest scare-fest is something you can't put down and could conceivably finish in a weekend if you're ambitious.

I'm not a fan of being scared. I've hated Halloween most of my life, and horror movies have grown largely distasteful after they turned into the exploitation of the worst of the human race instead of creating monsters that could never actually exist. King expertly delivers both. Doctor Sleep creates the monsters from under your bed but has them prey on the fears and evils of the human condition. And I'm not sure about King's other books, but in this read, one bad-ass literary hero emerges and that is always a bonus.

Abra Stone is the only other person in the world who knows what it's like to be Daniel Torrance. Plagued by the same...shining...we go along for the ride as she is born, lives, "meets" Dan, and battles to keep her life from ending before hitting her teens. And all the while I'm reading her journey, my friend's question of If You Could Be Any Female Character from a Book, Who Would You Be? kept running through my mind. While I don't think I'd change my answer from Hermione to Abra, I think they are one in the same: problem-solvers, smart, brave, kind, true, and strong. But of course Hermione still wins because she ends up married to Ron Weasely in the end.

Other Doctor Sleep reviews prohibit reading The Shining first, obviously mistaking it for the Robert Langdon trilogy of Dan Brown, a case in which I adamantly suggest reading The DaVinci Code before Angels and Demons as the latter will literally give you nightmares. But I think reading The Shining first is imperative to really understanding Dan, how Abra and him are so inexplicably linked, how they're able to fight the ultimate fight, and in being able to comprehend the importance of certain characters who only make small appearances but huge impacts to the story.

Doctor Sleep truly is a remarkable story and King is nothing short of a miraculous storyteller. Weaving factual information with personal experience and the ultimate imagination results in a book you sort of float through; you're not consciously aware of picking up the book and reading but all of a sudden you're on page 400. If there is one thing that plagues me, it is that there is one main question left, if not unanswered, largely assumed. Given it took 30 years for the sequel, I highly doubt a third book to accompany The Shining, so that can't be the reason, in which case I will assume what I can only assume the author wanted me to assume.

That point aside, Doctor Sleep is definitely worth a haul in your tote and highly recommended. Score another one for pop culture!

 

(The creepy starts about page 4 but the cover gets things going well enough.)

The Prince of Mist

Our book club is back from summer-break and starting things off with a bang with Carlos Ruiz Zafron's The Prince of Mist. He is apparently well-known in the Young Adult genre - which is what this is classified as - as well as the adult market. His hopes, as he states in a letter to the reader, is that there will be a cross-over for fans, that young and old alike will appreciate all of his writing.

This month's book-picker has read Zafron before and loved it. While I didn't particularly "love" this, it kept me entertained while I read, spooked me to an appropriate degree (I usually hate being scared), and was well-written. It was also a short read so I was surprised I didn't finish it in a weekend; it actually took me quite awhile to complete this book.

The writing was a tad juvenile but I can hardly fault a Young Adult novel for that. Max Carver, the son of a watchmaker in the 40's, is suddenly moved with his family from the city to a remote beach that holds a lot of dark secrets. In a spooky tale that combines sunken ships, haunting spirits, crazy, unexplainable occurrences, creepy clowns and circus freaks, strange symbols, and the appropriate degree of drama and tragedy, The Prince of Mist is perfect for stormy, beach summer nights, or now - as Halloween stalks eerily closer.

While I found the story entertaining, it wasn't something that hooked me or even really sunk into my brain. Some books you read and feel like you're living them. I've even been so involved in books that I've dreamt them. The Prince of Mist wasn't like that. After picking up the book from the previous day, I'd have completely forgotten what happened and have to read the previous page to get my brain caught up. So when I'd look at the book, I wouldn't think, oh I have to find out what happens to this character. I'd think, I have no idea what is going on in this book right now.

I don't know if that speaks more to the book or my roller-coaster book-reading; sometimes I can't read enough books; sometimes I'm just not into it and would rather devour magazines and online articles instead.

The Prince of Mist doesn't take much effort, but it is ultimately worth it (there are few things I read that I think *aren't* worth it), and if you have the time, it is something that could conceivably be finished in a weekend. And - most important - it will definitely fit in your tote. It's a great book to ask to borrow from your kids when they're done.

Gone Girl

So I took a bit of a detour from Jennifer Weiner's The Guy Not Taken: Stories and Goodnight Nobody with a returning author, Gillian Flynn and her incredibly disturbing Gone Girl. I read her Sharp Objects for book club and was thoroughly creeped; most of the scenes left me feeling like Flynn could use a nice long stay in a pysch ward. And I have to admit, had I read Gone Girl first, I think I would have "accidentally forgotten" to read Sharp Objects. For the losers who didn't read the book that month, we filled them in and it was enough to detour them from ever reading it.

Flynn writes the story we've seen a million times splattered over the news - wife disappears, husband is the prime suspect, and his strange behavior isn't helping matters. But the vivid, creative, every-detail-thought-of way she tells the story can only lead me to assume she's thought about unfolding this scenario before.

Flynn leads you on a wild chase of you knowing who did it, not being entirely sure who did it, wondering who actually did do it, and all the while in the back of your mind thinking what you do when it's a news story: was anything actually done or is it like that story of the bride who staged her own kidnapping? You never actually know until you do, and then you're even more disturbed than before.

This book is a definite beach-read and something you'll get sucked into and feel slightly dirty by. I lent it to my coworker and it was the first and only book we actually discussed (besides the quality of the bodice-ripper I gave her as a joke for Christmas).

I said before that Sharp Objects was fuuuuuucccckkkeeedd up and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Gone Girl is fuuuuuucccckkkkkeedddd up to the second power. She has another book floating around the book-o-sphere and I might be compelled to read it in the future. But I say that more so because I would never close myself off to reading something. At least now I know that when I feel that draw, I will be reading some seriously disturbing shit. I mean, I knew Gone Girl was going to be similar in disturbing nature as Sharp Objects but now I'm like that puppy who's been bopped one too many times.

Sharp Objects

There was a lot of chatter about Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl within the book club and - as I later realized - all over the non-literary world (not book-snobs, just people who can appreciate a good book). My friend - you all know and love her - Mer, read it and after reading a few chapters of Sharp Objects, decided Flynn needed serious psychological help. As most of the group had read Gone Girl, we opted to read Sharp Objects, which was equally dark and disturbing, but lacked Gone Girl's humor so the reader just ended up feeling...violated...by the end.

Don't get me wrong, Sharp Objects is such an amazing story that Flynn should be praised for her creativity by the best of mental health professionals as she's strapped so a bed in a padded room (ok, I'm slightly biased since I have also read Gone Girl). We follow a woman, Camille, who is fresh out from just some situation because she was addicted to cutting herself; although not in the traditional way. Her obsession was of a different nature that also happened to correspond with her career as a reporter.

As her first assignment, she is to return to her hometown and cover the murders of two pre-teen girls. That means, of course, confronting the demons of her own past. One such demon in human form is her half-sister, who is the very definition of creepy.

Like most whodunits you've read, the killer seems obvious, but - as you also know - things aren't always that simple. The beauty of Flynn's storytelling, though, is that she's able to plot the most basic of stories - by that I mean a lack of overly dramatic emotion - with incredible intricacies, complexities, and - naturally - the creepy twist you never saw coming.

It is definitely a book you can read in a weekend, but you may need to put it down every once in awhile just to reassure yourself you don't live in this perpetually-grey world Flynn has made so vivid. I'll be honest - I felt taxed.

Driven

After plowing through Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter with still some weeks of October left, I decided to keep with my spooky-genre and read W.G. Griffiths' Driven.

This book has been collecting dust on my shelf for almost a decade, surviving multiple cross-state moves and a dog who likes to eat books. So I brought it down, dusted it off, read the back, and started on the Driven journey, which was - as it happened - full of cheese.

Griffiths' novel reminded me a lot of a Dan Brown or James Patterson; short sentences, equally short chapters, and a great deal of pontificating. The main difference is that Griffiths' is no match for those seasoned authors, experts at weaving intrigue with mystery, drama, romance, and just enough horror to make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. But what I appreciated most about Driven is that the crux of the story wasn't to exploit the worst traits of the human population, as most of the horror genre seems geared towards. The culprit - spoiler alert that's easily accessible from reading the back cover - is a supernatural force, stronger than any human, that's been around since the beginning of the beginning.

Gavin Pierce is a police detective, taking the weekend off at pseudo Sea World with his grandfather, when a seemingly drunk driver causes a horrific accident that kills Gavin's grandfather and a host of others, his only calling cards being a lobster claw, too many empty beer cans to count, a dead passenger, and the crumpled mess that was the passenger's car. The most eerie and unexpected result, however, is that the driver manages to escape the carnage with barely a scrape or bruise. Clearly Pierce is dealing with something he never had to before.

Pierce quickly bands together a hodgepodge a civilian superheros to track, find, and apprehend the monster, including fellow detectives, a hypnotist, one lone survivor, a victim's sister-in-law, and a Reverend with a wooden chest he refuses to leave behind or let open.

The story is interesting, keeps you hooked, and winds you down a path of various unexpected, and sometimes obscure, pieces to the puzzle. There is, however, something lacking in the writing that reminds you of the first adjective-laden story you produced as a plucky 6th grader. The emotions are expressed in such a way that the reader almost feels forced to believe this is actually how the character is feeling.

The book has the appropriate amount of surprising twists, and the ending is a true mystery unless you're well-versed in the art of deliverance. It didn't leave me reeling, though; didn't leave me wanting more and I could give the book to charity and not wonder what happened to it days, months, or years from now. It didn't stick with me and there's a part of me that is disappointed I didn't spend my time reading something more Halloween-ish. Then again, any book I add to my done-reading list is a positive.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Another great husband-find, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, arrived to me via birthday wrapping and a husband unwilling to wait 12 hours for me to open one of his presents. Good thing, too since I started the book early the next morning and was subsequently hooked (and totally one of those naive enough to believe some of it might be real).

I'm pretty wet behind the ears when it comes to Lincoln's history, so I can only assume there is much more to his story then what lies within these 336 pages. But what a reader will find is interesting, enthralling, captivating, heart-stopping, heart-wrenching, suspenseful, and definitely worth the time and effort.

The author, Seth Grahame-Smith, creates a world in which we already know of Lincoln's accomplishments, but not the extent to which they were brought to fruition; his secrets, his secret battles, his secret allies, and the feelings, thoughts, and memories he kept locked within his heart. The author claims to have found Lincoln's journal, one in which he details his vampire expeditions, and other things only a journal could know.

The book is written in such a way as to convey biography, complete with one-can-only-assume-accurate footnotes. Lincoln's life begins in hardship, his mother taken too soon with only the cold shoulder of his father for comfort. When he realizes the real perpetrators of his mother's death, he vows to rid America of vampires, and thus paves the way for future Buffy the Vampire Slayers.

Grahame-Smith expertly weaves a tale of fantasy and politics, taking careful note that the two are often intertwined. He recites the life of Lincoln with fun - and plausible, if you believe in that sort of thing - ways to fill the gaps.

A great October read, I will be passing along to my friends for an entertaining fright, and recommending to anyone who happens by this page.